Conversations about disclosure of mental health issues usually revolved around whether one should tell their employers one’s condition. And rightly so, because for an emerging young adult, securing employment is a key developmental milestone.

Another important milestone in a young person’s life is to find the right partner in life. For a young person diagnosed with a mental health condition, having a #realtalk conversation with their partner about their mental health condition can be a scary experience. The consequences could be severe. Will my partner be able to accept my condition? Will it affect us as a couple when we think about having a family? How will my partner’s family react to my disclosure? 

There is no way of knowing for sure, until the disclosure is made. Will it be too late to find out only after the disclosure? Procrastination seems to be a good option, especially when things are going so well. Why rock the boat? 

News flash: if you are afraid to “rock the boat” in your relationship, perhaps it may not be as stable as you imagined it to be. In contemporary times, the premium our society placed on being in romantic relationships has made it such that most of our expectations and emotional needs are placed on one person: our partner. This is a tremendous weight to bear. Living with a diagnosis of a mental health condition is a weighty issue. 

My parents’ difficult relationship has given me a realist view on marriage. With or without mental health issues, marriage is going to be tough. While there may be times the two of you bring out the best in each other, there may be times when two of you bring out the worst in each other. Learning how to talk about your vulnerabilities at the right time in your relationship could go a long way toward a deeper understanding of each other and developing a sense of empathy for each other. When couples lose the ability to empathise with each other, the possibility of divorce is not far down the road. 

If you live with a mental health condition, I suggest that finding the right time and space to talk to your partner earlier about it is a good way to test waters. Could they see beyond your condition and acknowledge your strengths and efforts to overcome your challenges? Would they be able to see that the onset of mental illnesses depends on many factors, not just one’s genes? Could they be the shield for you when their conservative family members object to you? 

If your answers are yes to these questions, it may be worthwhile deepening the relationship you have with them. If your answers are no to these questions, it may be worthwhile to consider what you’d like out of your relationship. If your answers are maybe, clarifying their stance about the weighty matter of your diagnosis could save further heartbreaks in future.